Que sera sera..!

Every since my first report card landed in the hands of my mother, when I was a kindergartner, it leads me to imagine what she must have thought about me and my future, but i know my mother she is not  the kinds who would vex over  things like what would my daughter be when she grows old?. I can bet  she would be just like “ que sera sera whatever will be will be, the future’s not our’s to see” ( off-course my mom doesn’t know french) but little did my mother know this was going to be true.

So going back to the report card, it  said an all A+ , great !! but the personal characteristics column read “she is a very bubbly child always happy around everyone. She has a lot of friends ( Definitely true) but my only concern is her “WAVERING MIND”. Now this word has been banged on my head ever since. First I cursed my teacher, thought it was her who induced this thought in my parent’s mind. But as I grew up I started believing in it myself . I still cannot believe that even after all these years have passed I still have a hard time figuring out things. My mind is still stuck in that mode. When I start doing one thing ,pretty much half way down I land up in thinking that maybe this wasn’t what I wanted to.

Starting with the first decision I had to make after passing class 10 was whether I should go for a Diploma in engineering or should I continue with high school. Somewhere down the lane I realized that I have always been drawn by emotions more than by practicality.( which for some people must be absurd). But god has always been so kind to me that he has always given me a better option when I leave the previous one. I went around looking for a good college but ended up coming back to high school, as my dad thought I was not old enough to stay away from them and take care of myself. Whereas the true reason always was he couldn’t  bare me going away from him while even i was in two minds , I wanted to stay with my friends whom I had been studying since kindergarten and wanted to graduate with them, though I did not like most of them which is a different story altogether. There goes my first decision !!!

After High school I did not have a clue what profession I want to take up. I saw my cousins studying engineering and I saw my dad constructing so the first thing  on my mind was civil engineering!! Wallah!, which my father thought was against the grain, they say girls should not pursue occupations like these. So I landed up getting admitted in Electronics and Telecommunication engineering, ya rite – who the hell knew what it was when I took that, but one thing everyone assured me was don’t worry dear it is a good subject to study and you’ll get “N” number of jobs, which I was reassured by market research. The market research being- newspapers and some of my dad’s friend’s children who were already studying that. I don’t say my dad is responsible for this, off course he wanted a good future for me and he would do anything for that. After studying just 2 years in Electronics and Telecomm I swore to god I would never ever do anything related to this in my life. This was just not in my alley. What now? Everyone , almost everyone,  in my class knew what they wanted to do after B.E and here i was ,after 4 years of studying electronics and telecomm and spending my parents hard earned money now I say you I don’t like it?

Now there was one option for me and that was appearing for GRE and going  to USA for masters . I thought I just made the best decision of my life. I gave a GRE got admitted in M.S Management Information Systems and “Bingo”. I thought that is it. After completing one year of Masters and an internship at MTV Networks ( best part of my journey to USA) now when I read about investment banking and accounts, markets and funds I realize oh wait ..I want to  have my own business and manage it.

Am I the only one who is so confused about everything in life? Would my mom dad, uncles, aunts , cousins , friends any of them would have been also in dilemma when they were my age? I want to at least believe so. But one thing I am sure off is that I won’t stop until I am not satisfied with what I am doing. Some day when I’ll read this post again I know I would be sitting behind a chair in my own office and there would be smile on my face and gratitude in my heart. There you go…now you are done with it. And even if I don’t end up sitting on that chair I know wherever I would be I would be satisfied.

Que Sera Sera and I still don’t know what life has in store for me. I am high on my ambitions and ready with my wings to fly whenever the time is right. I sometimes hate the uncertainty prevailing in my life but sometimes think  even this is a big adventure. What’s the fun if I know what’s going to happen. I ain’t no alchemist here but all I would like to do is not ruin the fun by trying to dig into things.

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